How This Mess Got Started

It’s About This Chick Who...

Not because it’s cute.
Because it’s true.
Because she saw the crash coming and still got in the car.
Because she took the hit — and now she has the receipts, the rage, the wisdom, and the voice.

Sarah Melland is your self-proclaimed “How NOT To” girl.
She does your stupid mistakes so you don’t have to — and then turns them into scripts, books, and brutal one-liners that hurt only because they’re true.

She grew up in the small town of Altoona, Wisconsin, studied Creative Writing at the University of Wisconsin–Eau Claire, and graduated Summa Cum Laude from Arizona State University with a degree in Mass Communications. She founded Ripe Melland Media in 2018, proving that sometimes the “messy girl” is actually the mastermind.

Now based in Los Angeles, Melland researches women’s issues, relationship faux pas, dating mishaps, and psychological red flags with surgical precision and a savage sense of humor. She's not here to coach you. She's here to warn you.

She’s the author of the breakout book The Breakup Band Aid, co-creator of the raw and hilarious A Single Girl’s Guide to IVF, and has been contracted to consult on multiple scripts, helping clients shape their stories into straight-up masterpieces.

Her mission? To empower women through honesty, laughter, and all the wrong turns she barely survived.

"She didn’t beg for her job back. She built an empire instead.
They thought she was spiraling. She was strategizing.
Turns out, being underestimated is the best motivation."

And yes, she gives back too. 10% of all book sales are donated to Leslie's Helping Hands, supporting survivors of domestic abuse who flee with nothing — and deserve everything.