Red Flag Translator
Profile Text Red Flags
(Bios, prompts, and one-liners that reveal way too much, too soon.)
📣 What He Says:
“6’2” because apparently that matters.”
🕵️♀️ What He Actually Means:
“I have no personality, so I lead with height and passive aggression.”
🔻 UnExpert Tip:
Height isn’t a personality trait, babe. And any man who brings it up like this is already annoyed at women for having preferences. Swipe left before he brings up “the friend zone.”
📣 What He Says:
“Here for a good time, not a long time.”
🕵️♀️ What He Actually Means:
“I will ruin your life and then blame timing.”
🔻 UnExpert Tip:
He’s literally telling you he’s temporary. Listen the first time. He’s not your boyfriend — he’s your karma lesson in a baseball cap.
📣 What He Says:
“Just ask.”
🕵️♀️ What He Actually Means:
“I put zero effort into this profile and expect you to carry the entire conversation.”
🔻 UnExpert Tip:
Translation: Lazy, entitled, and probably hasn’t had a meaningful conversation since 2015. If he can’t put effort into a bio, guess how much he’s putting into a relationship?
Messaging Red Flags
(first messages, replies, patterns)
📣 What He Says:
“Hey.”
🕵️♀️ What He Actually Means:
“I have no intention of putting effort into this conversation, but I still expect your full attention.”
🔻 UnExpert Tip:
This isn’t mysterious — it’s lazy. If he can’t even muster a sentence, he’s not ready for a relationship. You’re not here to babysit vibes.
📣 What He Says:
“You up?”
🕵️♀️ What He Actually Means:
“I’m not interested in you as a person — just as a temporary distraction with low expectations.”
🔻 UnExpert Tip:
He’s not checking on you — he’s checking your boundaries. And hoping you don’t have any. Block and bless.
📣 What He Says:
“I’m not a big fan of small talk…”
🕵️♀️ What He Actually Means:
“I’m emotionally lazy, and I’m not interested in actually getting to know you beyond surface-level questions that require no effort.”
🔻 UnExpert Tip:
If someone can’t handle small talk, they can’t handle real talk. It’s code for I’m not actually invested in this date.
Behavioral Red Flags
(what he says he wants vs. what he does)
📣 What He Says:
“I’m looking for something real.”
🕵️♀️ What He Actually Means:
“I want consistent emotional support without the commitment part.”
🔻 UnExpert Tip:
He doesn’t want something real — he wants something convenient. Don’t fall for boyfriend behavior with no boyfriend title.
📣 What He Says:
“I’m just super busy right now.”
🕵️♀️ What He Actually Means:
“I will never prioritize you, but I will expect you to wait around like a loyal emotional support girlfriend.”
🔻 UnExpert Tip:
Everyone’s busy — it’s about what (and who) they make time for. Don’t confuse availability with value. You’re not an afterthought.
📣 What He Says:
“My ex was crazy.”
🕵️♀️ What He Actually Means:
“I have zero accountability and will weaponize my past to justify my future bad behavior.”
🔻 UnExpert Tip:
If every ex was “crazy,” he’s the common denominator. That’s not a red flag — that’s a damn flare gun.
Spiritual Red Flags
(fake woke, manifestation bros, etc.)
📣 What He Says:
“I’m an empath.”
🕵️♀️ What He Actually Means:
“I take on everyone’s emotions — except responsibility for my own actions.”
🔻 UnExpert Tip:
If he’s really an empath, why does your nervous system feel like it’s under attack? Beware the self-proclaimed empath who only feels deeply when it benefits him.
📣 What He Says:
“I’m really into energy.”
🕵️♀️ What He Actually Means:
“I will ghost you based on a vibe shift instead of just using words like an adult.”
🔻 UnExpert Tip:
It’s not your aura — it’s his avoidance. Don’t let a man use “frequency” as an excuse for flakiness. You deserve clarity, not cryptic vibes.
📣 What He Says:
“I’m manifesting my dream partner.”
🕵️♀️ What He Actually Means:
“I want someone perfect to appear without me actually doing any self-work.”
🔻 UnExpert Tip:
Manifestation without action is just a Pinterest board. If he’s not showing up, he’s not serious — he’s just spiritual enough to sound deep on a first date.
Good-on-Paper Red Flags
(the ones that seem perfect)
📣 What He Says:
“I’m really close with my mom.”
🕵️♀️ What He Actually Means:
“I still emotionally rely on my mother to the point where I will compare you to her — constantly.”
🔻 UnExpert Tip:
Loving his mom is sweet. But if he can’t make a decision without texting her first, you’re not his partner — you’re in a weird emotional throuple.
📣 What He Says:
“I’ve been focusing on my career.”
🕵️♀️ What He Actually Means:
“I have no time, energy, or capacity to invest in anyone but myself — and I will expect you to be totally fine with that.”
🔻 UnExpert Tip:
He’s not a bad guy — but he’s not available either. Don’t date someone who treats you like a calendar conflict.
📣 What He Says:
“I’ve done a lot of therapy.”
🕵️♀️ What He Actually Means:
“I know all the right terms to gaslight you in a socially acceptable way.”
🔻 UnExpert Tip:
Knowing about inner child work doesn’t mean he’s healed. Some men go to therapy just to become better manipulators.
Comeback Bros
(the ones who resurface with the same act)
📣 What He Says:
“Hey stranger 👀”
🕵️♀️ What He Actually Means:
“I disappeared without explanation, but I’m back now… with zero self-awareness and the same nonsense.”
🔻 UnExpert Tip:
This isn’t a check-in. It’s a soft re-entry test. And if you answer? He’ll do it again. Let the block button be your closure.
📣 What He Says:
“I’ve been doing a lot of thinking…”
🕵️♀️ What He Actually Means:
“I got bored, lonely, or rejected — and remembered you were stable, funny, and fine.”
🔻 UnExpert Tip:
He’s not thinking about you — he’s thinking about how comfortable it was when you were around. Nostalgia is not a strategy. Don’t get played by a rerun.
📣 What He Says:
“Miss your energy.”
🕵️♀️ What He Actually Means:
“I don’t want to date you, but I do want access to you again… until I inevitably disappear.”
🔻 UnExpert Tip:
He misses the version of you that tolerated his chaos. Let him miss it from a safe emotional distance — preferably outside your WiFi zone.
The Lovebombers
(future-faking kings)
📣 What He Says:
“I’ve never felt this way before.”
🕵️♀️ What He Actually Means:
“I fall hard and fast — and then ghost when reality sets in and I realize I made it all up.”
🔻 UnExpert Tip:
Intensity isn’t intimacy. If he’s rushing the connection, he’s usually trying to skip accountability. Slow burn > trauma sprint.
📣 What He Says:
“We have a connection. I just know.”
🕵️♀️ What He Actually Means:
“I barely know you, but I’m saying this so I can escalate things faster — in a physical fashion.”
🔻 UnExpert Tip:
This line isn’t about bonding — it’s about access. Men who rush connection are usually rushing to get something out of you. Real chemistry builds over time… not after five DMs and a voice note.
📣 What He Says:
“You’re everything I’ve been looking for.”
🕵️♀️ What He Actually Means:
“I’m building a pedestal I can later blame you for falling off of.”
🔻 UnExpert Tip:
Compliments are cute — until they become pressure. If he’s too into you too soon, it’s not love. It’s lovebombing dressed in poetry and panic.
Gaslighters & Word Twisters
(The masters of manipulation who make you question reality — and then call you “dramatic” when you react like a normal human.)
📣 What He Says:
“You’re being too sensitive.”
🕵️♀️ What He Actually Means:
“I’m uncomfortable with being held accountable, so I’m going to reframe your valid feelings as an overreaction.”
🔻 UnExpert Tip:
Your emotions aren’t the problem — his lack of empathy is. If someone always makes you the issue, it's not miscommunication. It’s manipulation.
📣 What He Says:
“I never said that.”
🕵️♀️ What He Actually Means:
“I 100% said that — but now that it’s inconvenient, I’m going to deny it and make you feel crazy for remembering.”
🔻 UnExpert Tip:
Gaslighting 101. Always trust your gut over his version of the timeline. If your receipts say one thing and he says another, you’re not confused — you’re being played.
📣 What He Says:
“You’re twisting my words.”
🕵️♀️ What He Actually Means:
“You repeated what I said, but now I don’t like how it sounds out loud.”
🔻 UnExpert Tip:
If you’re constantly defending yourself for reacting to his words, it’s not misinterpretation — it’s control. You’re not twisting anything. You’re just finally holding up a mirror.
Coded Narcissists
(They hide behind therapy speak)
📣 What He Says:
“I’ve done a lot of work on myself.”
🕵️♀️ What He Actually Means:
“I’ve read just enough self-help to sound evolved — but I’m still toxic under a soft lighting filter.”
🔻 UnExpert Tip:
Growth doesn’t mean he’s safe. Some men use “healing” like a disguise. If his actions don’t match the insight? He’s just a narcissist in recovery cosplay.
📣 What He Says:
“I hold space for all emotions.”
🕵️♀️ What He Actually Means:
“Until your emotions make me uncomfortable, then I’ll shame you for not being 'regulated' enough.”
🔻 UnExpert Tip:
Watch out for the ones who weaponize emotional language. He’s not holding space — he’s holding control and dressing it up like mindfulness.
📣 What He Says:
“I’m really into shadow work.”
🕵️♀️ What He Actually Means:
“I have dark traits I refuse to be accountable for, but I’ll call it a ‘spiritual journey’ instead of a personality flaw.”
🔻 UnExpert Tip:
Shadow work isn’t an excuse to act shady. If he talks about his demons but introduces you to them on the second date — run.
Red Flags You Ignored on Purpose
(Because the sex was good, the potential was there, or you were just bored — but deep down, you knew. Oh, you KNEW.)
📣 What He Says:
“I’m a really private person.”
🕵️♀️ What He Actually Means:
“You’ll never meet my friends, post me, or know what I’m really doing, but I’ll still call you clingy.”
🔻 UnExpert Tip:
Privacy is sacred. Secrecy is strategy. Know the difference.
📣 What He Says:
“I’m not really a texter.”
🕵️♀️ What He Actually Means:
“I want attention when I’m bored but won’t provide consistency or clarity.”
🔻 UnExpert Tip:
You’re not a carrier pigeon. If he can’t form a full sentence, he’s not ready for a full woman.
📣 What He Says:
“I’ve really been working on my attachment style.”
🕵️♀️ What He Actually Means:
“I’ve learned just enough buzzwords to diagnose myself without changing a single behavior — but I will use them to explain why nothing is ever my fault.”
🔻 UnExpert Tip:
If he brings up attachment styles in the first few convos, he’s not trying to connect — he’s trying to pre-excuse his future abandonment. Knowing you're avoidant doesn't make you safe. It just makes your exit strategy sound intellectual.
Want More Red Flag Translator?
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Inside the Red Flag Translator, you’ll get:
Over 100 brutally honest translations of the most common dating phrases, bios, texts, and behaviors
Word-for-word breakdowns of what he says vs. what he actually means
UnExpert Tips to help you spot manipulation before it messes with your nervous system
A full decoding of therapy-speak, fake woke language, and emotional loopholes
Bonus sections on how to date these men and still win!
